so the little girl in the blue 🔵 print dress we always see in our minds eye and who almost always sinks down beneath my feet when i get up to walk - so that i have to move my feet to the sides to keep from stepping on her - it really does feel like i am stepping on a very tiny person - i now call gracey grace, tho she said she wanted to be called xandi
she also sinks if i make some kind of mistake or if the thing imagining up these people thinks i made a mistake, tho it it usually easy to prove the thing incorrect if we try
in our mind's eye the people in her heaven used to dress her up in football shoulder pads and a helmet for when she would sink down out of heaven to come here
after years of her sinking i tried to reassure her that no matter what happened, she was always ok so i chopped her head off with my mind then put it back on her to show her she would always be ok, because what we believe in here comes true for us
but then back ~ 2014 / 2015 i found the photo of the headless body of a little iraqi girl in a 🔵 blue print dress isil allegedly cut the head off of - then it was claimed a u s bomb had blown her head off
two weeks ago a girl who looked just like xandi was killed by a pit bull
but she is always okay here, and if i buy new shoes or put memory foam floor tiles cut into inner soles into my shoes she stops sinking underneath my feet when i walk and stays about knee level
when you see the images of slenderman walking with a little girl i believe it is galactic ranger chuck travelling through the dimensions to rescue gracey grace and bring her back up to her heaven
- the 'we' I use here is not the royal 'we' but the crazy 'we' - once counted all the people I see and talk to inside my mind's eye and there were 262 - there are more now.
When I was charged with disorderly conduct for yelling at these people I see in my mind's eye and later convicted after I walked to Madawaska to court, they fined me $262.
Had to eat out of dumpsters the rest of that month.
But I got to meet Ms Sirios which I had been dreaming about.
I believe that 'we' wrote the lyrics to a number of popular songs in notebooks I began keeping during a creative writing course taught by Jan Aronson who is now a successful artist living in Ketcham, Idaho.
...When I use the word 'we' in context with the songs it is because I believe at least some of these people were in my head or projected into my head back before I found out they were there.
Yet I remember thinking some of the poems I wrote in the notebooks were pretty good, and some I thought were not very good and I remember thinking the good ones were inspired.
I also thought it were strange that I had to sign some kind of licensing agreement to get a minimum wage job, when I was hired to do work study at the BCC Activities and Recreation Department.
We were supposed to keep a journal of our daily activities.
My daily activities seemed boring at the time.
In retrospect, they weren't, there were always someone or something interesting happening in our lives when we were young.
But fortunately for me I grew bored writing itineraries and began drawing wildflowers I wanted to learn for becoming a landscape architect.
I always liked to listen to the radio and enjoyed many popular songs - and I found some of the songs helped me maintain my faith at a subsistence level with little shots of churchin' zapped into the secular lyrics - possibly as an hommage by the artists at rock's gospel roots.
one of the joannes' husbands worked at g e and she was very conservative when i worked at the bcc activities office back i guess in 1985
i think the other lady who worked there was named joanne too, and she was pregnant then took a leave of absence to have her baby - one of them had a radio that would play the news i don't remember what station it was
one day though the news said dc was going to stop publishing superman comics as readership had declined
up until then i never really liked superman, he had no character traits to his personality he was just the strongest, smartest superhero and acted like the ideal astronaut, boring with no flaws or moral dilemmas i thought him impersonal, but he was an integral part of our american culture, you know ?
as i remember it, i thought i had to do something to give superman some personality - something to make him relatable ... humanistic
believe i wrote five for fighting's 'superman' lyrics at the bcc activities office shortly after hearing that news report
walked the pregnant joanne to her car on her last day there and i wanted to give her a hug as she left, because she was really nice to me, but i was afraid i might want to fuck her if i did so we just looked at each other and said goodbye...
the girl that replaced joanne was from trinidad and was married too and for some reason she asked me to go into one of the empty rooms with her and told me to listen to her headphone, which was the first time i had heard bob marley's 'jammin' and i told her i really liked it and left before i wanted to fuck her too - much later like about 2 years ago i realized i maybe could have slept with all of these amazingly lovely ladies because i was a character in a group of people's science fiction story and the lead character in the story could sleep with any woman he wanted - and they had to sleep with whoever that character really was !
as i said earlier, there are things people have posted online that tell me other people see the same story and characters i see in my head, and one of the characters we call 'lucy' because that was what she said she would like to be called when we asked her name
lucy was the lead writer of the science fiction story and the being able to sleep with any woman was her plot mechanic - fascinating premise for a scifi story !
but recently, it came to me where i had seen a number of these people who seem very real to me in my imagination, they had been images of characters in some of our favorite stories i've read
and lucy had been freddy arbuthnot, the female journalist in the fletch novels
but she was a real girl, too
i've seen her a number of times once i pulled up on my bike in front of the laundrymat on 4 th street north in st pete and she walked up to me from the laundry and said 'do you wanna do me ?' only i was really crazy then - she had written the lead character as crazy my eyes were literally wobbling and spinning when she approached me - and i guess it bothered her so she turned and left - because of another time i had run into her and talked with her years earlier at the kash and karry by the kmart on 9th street, i had really, really wanted to sleep with her !
when we talked on the bench in front of the old kash n karry by the old Kmart on 9th street in st pete, a blimp was passing to the north from demen's landing where they were moored in st pete
she had said 'i hope it doesn't catch fire and explode !'
i knew i should keep my mouth shut because we were just starting to get along, and in case some of you have not noticed, i often appear to be a 'know it all' - i could sense i was going to lose her interest if i told her that they didn't use hydrogen in blimps anymore they use helium, but i told her anyway and i could see her openness fold back up like a orange lilly at sunset - now, though, since i found out she was writing what was the beginning of perhaps 'the greatest science fiction story ever written' it may be important that she be accurately informed !
at the time though, it seemed more important to correct the truth, than to get her to like me, and since she may have written my fate and the truth sets us free, perhaps it was more important
worked at the bcc activities office after i worked at champion factory outlet which means i was still camped out behind the mall by the railroad tracks next to a hawthorn tree
before i camped out behind the mall i had stayed on top of the hill behind the pond behind the bcc gym and athletic fields
one day i was walking back to camp from the city after dark and on one of the houses on the south side of west street i saw a young girl about 13 or 14 sitting out on a lawn
i was lonely so i said hi and asked her if it was ok if i sat down by her and she said sure
i don't remember now what we talked about just that i enjoyed talking to her and it was a nice and comfortable conversation
i recall she said she had been sad about something which was why she was sitting outside by herself
after about 45 minutes a man came out of the house and said 'freddy, it's time to come back inside'
and now i realize that that is where i might have imagined freddy arbuthnot from the fletch novels as, though i think i read my first 'fletch' novel in high school
the girl i kept running into in florida - that girl looked just like whoever 'freddy' was from west street that night and looks and sounds just like lucy in our mind's eye
she also looks just like the adult lady i imagined freddy arbuthnot looked like each time i read a fletch novel with her in it
